My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
