I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you inspire me to be a worse person
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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