We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
