I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
