She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
