he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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