She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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