If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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