eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
