Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
