Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
