Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
