Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
