Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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