I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I lost the right to judge tonight
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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