Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
