he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize