Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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