I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I believe in your delicious
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
