What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
