I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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