hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
not ubering you a puppy
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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