took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
