I seem to have left my pride at pride
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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