you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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