i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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