Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We left the knife in your bed.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
