i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We're too hungover to prance.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
