dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
