you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
