Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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