Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
