I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
