Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
