gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I smell stomach acid.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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