Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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