Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
