I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
