This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I need water and some morals
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
