all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
