I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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