just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
