sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
