Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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