so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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