he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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