he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
