my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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