i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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