dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
