quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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