I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
