My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
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Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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