why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
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Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.