I could make wine with my vomit
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
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I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.