last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major