we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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