booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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