does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
