so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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