I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
