I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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