Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
