So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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