all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
