dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
