I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
