I haven't been this sober since birth.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
