My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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