My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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