in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
