My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
