she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
