sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
