She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
