so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
