Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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