I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
