He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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