I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
