every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize