I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
