this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
