a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You made out with two different species that night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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