Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
