if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
