im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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