Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
