I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
