just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
